To Be Alone

[swiftsnowmane]

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If there’s nothing to be done

If there’s no part to be played

If there’s no song to be sung

Take this voice, take these hands

I can’t use them anyway

Take this music and the memory

Of the muse from which it came

- 'If It's True', Hadestown

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....in which I finally write RPF.

>> Read full fic HERE <<

Yes, it finally happened: I wrote the Normily fic that's been in my head all year long. I had started it over the summer (around the same time I commissioned the 'A Year of Normily' fan art) but it took me several months to convince myself to finish it and to get up the courage to actually share it. I'd managed to complete the bulk of it right before we flew to North Carolina to visit my sister for Thanksgiving, but then it took a couple more weeks for me to get it to the point where I was happy enough to post it. I still wonder if I'm insane for attempting this, but it's one of those that just....cried out to be written.

I admit, when I embarked upon this story, I was writing solely for my own amusement, and figured at most I'd maybe share it privately with a few of my fellow shippers. But in the end, and to my everlasting surprise, this piece turned out to be one of my favourites of anything I've written thus far. It is something very, very different from my usual, in terms of both content and style. Not only did it require me to write in a present-day setting (which I usually avoid, preferring instead to write about either historical time periods, imagined post-apocalyptic futures, or fantasty worlds), but I also challenged myself by writing it from Norman's PoV. Let's just say getting into that man's head was an.....interesting experience. ;)

The other aspect of writing this RPF that I found fascinating is that, usually, with 'regular' fiction or fanfiction, one is attempting to write something fictional as though it were real. Taking other people's characters or original characters, and attempting to make them well-rounded enough that they leap off the page, giving them a complete and satisfrying story arc, etc. But with this story, it was the opposite: suddenly, I had to take real people and real events....and make them fictional. I had expected all of the above to prove challenging, but honestly I found that this sort of thing came very naturally to me. Perhaps it is because I tend to 'mythologize' real life already to begin with -- our modern day, industrialized, consumer-driven existence has never been 'enough' for me, and I have always had the tendency to try to search for more beneath the surface. More depth, more meaning. More of a story, amidst the chaos and disappointment of life.

The finished result is a fic that functions on both a literal and symbolic level -- as both an RPF *and* an ode to my beloved Bethyl. I found it very therapeutic to take these 'true' (to an extent) happenings (some of which were very happy indeed, and some of which were the cause of extreme emotional distress to me over the last year or so), and create from them a bittersweet, yet deeply satisfying story, with just enough truth to it that it felt 'right' (to me at least) and not forced. It still amazes me how everything just flowed naturally into the shape of a story while I was writing it. In fact, there were several instances where I originally wanted to write something else entirely, but the 'characters' told me "No. That's not what happened. Here's how it really went down." ;)

Funnily enough, the very same night I finally posted it on Ao3, these pics (from last year, but still) surfaced on tumblr. I was especially tickled as they are a perfect illustration of several, ahh....aspects of this fic. And also just, well, so. damn. hot.

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I mean....uhhhhh. His hands on her lower back. His canines, flashing. Her thighs around his waist. Her fingers digging into his leg rests shoulders.

*dead* Ahem. I'll just be over here....swooning over these two motherfuckers to my grave.


ETA: The amazing ruebella-b drew me a little sketch based on this moment (in reality and in my fic), and I just...can't even:

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Current music. Because, well....

Watch on YouTube

Apologies in advance that I have to put this ridiculous note on the end of all my posts and fics, but it's because too many people are a) insensitive, and b) apparently cannot read my author's notes unless I make them as obnoxious and obvious as possible. :P

**** IMPORTANT REMINDER - please read before commenting!!! ****

PLEASE respect my wishes not to discuss the actors’ *actual* personal lives or the current happenings of the tv-show. This includes any and all speculation on the past, current, or future nature of their RL relationship. Thank you! :)